Remembering Fredrick Golden “Fred” Williams.
1929 - 2021
My name is Jacob Farny and I dedicate this memorial site to Fred Williams; A wonderful human being and someone near and dear to my heart. I first met Fred in 2001 when I was 12. Lacking any kind of self-awareness, I decided to wander over uninvited on a bright summer’s day while Fred was feeding his horses. I loudly proclaimed over his fence that I was the Farny boy from next door. I was curious to learn more about Fred’s menagerie of farm animals and he was more than willing to put up with my nosey behavior.
In the years that followed, I formed a close connection with Fred due to his love of animals, woodcarving, and his passion for teaching children.
I think of Fred as a grandpa and I am forever grateful for the time we got to spend together.
Fred in his Navy uniform circa 1982
Fred’s Words of Wisdom
Over the years I’ve heard Fred tell many stories chock full of advice on how to live one’s life to the fullest. Those lessons have had a direct impact on who I am today and I’d like to share some of them with you as a dedication to Fred and a commitment to pass these learnings on whenever I can. Some are more silly than insightful but even the silly ones have something important to say about honest and simple living, which was ultimately what Fred believed in.
Recognizing the beauty and humor in every day life.
Fred had a knack for simplifying the complexities of life in a way that showed great compassion of all living things. Fred wasn’t big on giving rules or prescribed solutions. Instead, he taught how to gain a positive perspective on life and how to measure the success of things that truly matter.
“If you take a minute to stop and look around you’ll know how blessed you are. If you never stop and think you’ll never appreciate anything. It doesn’t just happen, you have to make time to do nothing.”
“I was always curious about things. I’d wonder why something is the way it is. Why it’s here and what it’s supposed to do. Everything is connected so the more you understand the more you’ll know about life. Curiosity is the best guide.”
“When I was three I used to spend all day hanging out in the horse lot. My parents would have people over and they’d say ‘oh my, Fred’s out in the lot you better go get him!’. My parents would say, ‘Why? Fred’s always out there anyways.’”
“For some reason it’s always easier to remember the bad things that have happened to us than the good. Try as hard as you can to remember the good especially when your thinking about the bad.”
“Remember, there’s more horse asses in this world than there are horses.”
“Every religion thinks they have it figured out but really they all get parts of it right. Don’t follow any one religion. Pick and chose from a bunch of them.”
“A home is a place where you can relax. If you look at a place and can imagine yourself sitting there in a chair at peace, then it’s a home.”
“When the tide comes in you can find some real treasures, but honestly it’s mostly trash. You have to sift through it to find what’s worth keeping. That’s how life is.”
“Time changes everything. I don’t care what it is, it will change and you’ll have to change along with it.”
“Most people only understand things they can use. That’s how they see the world. You’ll miss out on a lot of wonderful things that way. The value of something isn’t always clear at first and if you don’t take the time to figure it out, then it will pass you by.”
“When I was a kid there was a stray dog that used to follow me to school. I could tell it wanted to make sure I got there safe. The teacher would tell me to take my dog home and I’d tell her it wasn’t my dog!”
“Religion is a tricky one. Most of them have it right but they don’t want to talk to each other. They fight over the smaller details that don’t matter when really the message is exactly the same.”
“Do what you want to do when you’re young. Then when you get old, sit back in the easy chair and think about it. If you don’t make memories you won’t have anything to think about when you’re old.”
“Emotions are like a friend you don’t understand yet. The older you get the more you know about him and the closer you feel. That’s what knowing yourself is.”
“Always appreciate what you have more than regret the things you don’t. If I thought about all the bad stuff that’s happened in my life I’d be madder than hell all the time.”
“There’s nothing wrong with getting things. But ask yourself at least a couple times if it’s worth having in the way. You might be surprised to learn most things you want can’t be bought.”
“Everyone needs a room to sit and think for yourself. It’s important for you and for the people you live with.”
Caring for children.
Fred had a real passion for teaching children. He seemed to possess an infinite amount of patience and always took the time to listen and to understand. When you were with Fred you had his full attention, always.
“You can’t really know what love is until you’ve had a child. It’s the most wonderful feeling in the world and your most important job.”
“I always wanted to make sure the kids around me got what I didn’t get as a child. That’s why I always had kids around.”
“Partiality is one of the worst and most hurtful things to show a child. But you’re going to do it. It’s only natural. Remember to celebrate each (child’s) unique strengths. Don’t compare the strengths and weaknesses between them.”
“When I meet a child I often know exactly what they need. So many are just looking for attention or something to do. I always had kids around because I knew how to talk to them.”
“When you’re growing up, you learn a lot more getting hurt than by being protected. It’s unfortunate but sometimes being protective is the worst thing you can do for a child.”
“Children need a lot of attention, and if you can’t give it to them they’ll find it somewhere else. You might not like where they find it.”
“It’s important that kids don’t form big groups without supervision. Most kids will be good but it only takes a couple to turn the whole group bad. Even the bad kids aren’t really bad. They just need direction.”
“Certain kids will get it in their head they have to get in trouble to have fun. It’s important to remind them that’s not how it has to be and find something for them to do that will mean something to them later in life.”
Felean and a chicken being besties.
“When you get older you need something to take care of. It could be a child or a pet. It doesn’t matter, but make sure you’re living for more than just yourself. Living for yourself will warp you.”
“You can’t rush things with a child. They don’t understand the reason for it yet so they push back because they don’t know why it’s important. Do it easy and take it slow. Don’t force it.”
Overcoming adversity.
Fred grew up during the Great Depression which had a lasting impact on how he approached problem solving in life. Instead of lamenting on those times, Fred tended to look for the silver lining in any hardship. I believe Fred had the ultimate growth mindset and I don’t think he believed in an obstacle that couldn’t be overcome with the right support and a positive mindset.
“I never wanted to hurt anyone. I grew up during the Depression and I can tell you times were tough. We knew we needed each other.”
“We all like to have goals and think we know where we are going. But it never works out like you planned. When the time comes you roll with the punches and all you have to do is feel good about what you did with the time that was given to you.”
“We are the choices we make and you have to make a lot of choices to be a real person. You’ll get it wrong sometimes but you’ll always have a chance to get it right the next time.”
“Life is all about solving problems. Our problems, other people’s, it doesn’t matter. You have to think about the what ifs. If you can think it through and find the right solution then you’ve mastered life. That’s really all it is.”
“You can’t ride a buck ’n bronco for 10 years then expect to retire without some pain. That applies to every aspect of life. You have to take care of yourself. be kind to yourself. Otherwise you’ll pay for it later.”
“Tradition can be a rut sometimes. You get stuck in it and try to fix (the situation) by doing more of what got you there in the first place. That rut just gets bigger and deeper. So think of a new way. Some way forward and not down. That’s the only way to get out.”
“Being blind isn’t so bad. I don’t see any good looking people anymore but I don’t see any ugly ones either. That includes me.”
“When I was young I was pushed out the door a lot. I think that’s why I connected with nature so well. I was always out in it.”
“When I was growing up my dad had men over drinking and playing cards all the time. Stinking butts and pits talking about cheating on their wives. I learned a lot about how not to be.”
“People are all just tiny seeds on this planet. The storm will carry the seed for miles and miles and eventually it takes root. It changes into something it wasn’t before. It does the best it can and that’s all any of us can do.”
“You have to make your own way in life and try not to get stuck in a rut. Remember you can change almost anything you want, but it starts by digging yourself up out of that hole.”
“You’ll have to solve a lot of problems in life but remember solving something might mean shit canning it. If you can’t figure it out sometimes it’s best to drop it and move on. That’s not a failure if you tried. Once you figure that out you’ll will become a whole new man.”
“Take it easy, greasy. You’ve got a long way to slide.”
“My brother was a greedy person but I knew he loved me. You have to watch that greed, it will ruin anyone.”
“You have to face a lot of difficult problems to become a good person. It’s hard to be a good person if you had an easy life.”
“Everything that exists is living off of something else. It’s not a good or bad thing, it’s just how things are. If you can train yourself to look for it, you’ll know why things happen the way they do.”
“You can learn just as much watching someone do it wrong as you can someone doing it right. Sometimes more.”
“Life is worthwhile when you can handle it. But buddy if you can’t you need to get help. There’s no shame and your pride isn’t worth the hurt you might do to those you love.”
“When things are bad it’s always easier to make them badder than better. Pardon my English but you know what I mean.”
Taking pride in your work.
Fred didn’t just do things for fun. He competed in competitions and wanted to be excellent at anything he gave his time and energy to. Even after losing most of his sight, Fred continued to compete and win in wood carving competitions. I used to watch him shape a new piece almost completely by feel and he never made excuses for his limited vision or anything else. Fred’s ability to manifest his creative visions into real-world works of art was truly awe inspiring and inspirational to behold.
“As long as you feel like you’re accomplishing something you’ve got a lot of road to work with. If you feel stuck then you won’t go very far.”
“If you’re interested in it and you like it, you’ll be good at it.”
“People need to know what they can and can’t handle. If you get in there and you’re over your head, you better back out or ask for help. You have to be honest with yourself.”
“When you can do something and step back and look at it and feel proud, you know you’ve done something right. It doesn’t matter what it is.”
“The more things you try the more things you’ll be good at. But you have to get up off your butt and try.”
“Anything I tried I wanted to win at it. To be the best I could. I think that worked out for me because it made me care more.”
“You can learn something new every day. If you want to. It takes practice and work but it gets easier as you go.”
“If you don’t understand something speak up. You won’t learn a darn thing just sitting their being ignorant.”
Finding happiness in relationships.
I think what made Fred so great at connecting with people was his capacity for empathy. Knowing yourself and knowing others was very important to Fred and a common tenet in his stories of life, love, and happiness. Fred cared deeply for the people in his life and made sure they felt loved.
“You can’t be afraid to tell someone you love what you need. Just don’t be piggish about it. Make sure you listen to what they need too. If you can walk away from that (exchange) and feel good you know you have someone special.”
“The older you get, the more you’ll know about people. You’ll start to notice the different kinds and who you identify with. Then you’ll notice the older folks have been watching you the whole time trying to figure out who you’ll turn into.”
“(Relationships) can be funny. It feels like people need time to figure us out, and then when they do, they want to kiss us goodbye. It’s all part of the dance.”
“When you realize that all that matters in life is helping others you’ve realized it’s the best way to feel good about your life. Small things every day are all it takes to show you care.”
“Don’t show your ass in a crowd. You don’t know if you’re showing your ignorance when you’re showing your ass. There might be someone there with something to teach you, but you’re getting in the way.”
“If you live your life right, you’ll meet a lot of people and you’ll figure out who you want to run with. Remember if it doesn’t feel right you can always drop from a group. You have to listen to your conscience.”
“When you want someone to see things your way, you have to see it their way first. Take your time nice and slow. Eventually they’ll come around. Sometimes you’ll get a hard ass but it works on them too. Just takes a bit longer.”
“You can get frustrated with people but remember that it takes all kinds. Our differences are what make us interesting.”
“You can tell a lot about someone when you first meet. If they only talk about themselves and never ask you anything then I’d say they might not be worth spending time with.”
“You should only believe half of what you hear. The truth is a slippery thing. It changes from person to person.”
“When you’re young it’s natural to think about yourself a lot. It gets easier with age. That’s why older people worry all the time because they start thinking less about themselves and more about everyone else.”
“A little kindness is better than any religion. I don’t care what your religion is. If you’re a kind person we can find some common ground.”
“You have to figure out what will work for you, but also for those around you. Otherwise you won’t get very far.”
“Remember a marriage is a partnership. It takes two people in a marriage to make the right decision.”
“A little kindness goes a long way. You can stand up and argue about everything but you won’t make friends that way. Just smile and stay kind. Eventually you’ll win anyone over.”
“It’s easy to spot a fool. A fool speaks before he thinks and a wise person thinks before they speak. I like to think while I stink.”
“I was popular in school because I was a clown. I wanted people to be happy. I looked big and tough but dumb as a bag of rocks. That didn’t really matter. The teachers loved me and I always had a lot of friends.”
“You need to accept and depend on each other. If you can’t depend on each other anymore then buddy, you’re in trouble.”
“We need independence every once in awhile so we remember that we can handle things on our own. It’s important in any relationship. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together.”
“When you meet someone new the most important thing to figure out right away is how to make them laugh. It’s more important than anything else.”
The end.
I hope you found at least a few quotes to cherish and keep with you. If you want to add more quotes or photos, please email me at jcfarny@gmail.com